Not. Happy. Aldi

So, I'm a huge breastfeeding advocate. I've been a counsellor with the Australian Breastfeeding Association for 12 years and a member for 16. I believe that breastfeeding is best for babies. I also know there are instances that mothers TRULY can't breastfeed. Many women choose not to. In this day and age we all know the disadvantages of not breastfeeding.

I have been aware of the dangers of formula feeding and advertising of formula for many years. I am an avid non-buyer of Nestle products. Don't buy them. Try really hard not to. However, like many huge corporate organisations around they world, they buy lots of other companies and take over products. But we try. My kids know we don't buy them. We just buy other products or go without.

So, I've been shopping at Aldi for a long time. Love it. Its cheap, friendly and lots of different products they have on special each week.

Another plus; they don't sell artificial baby milk, (ABM), formula. (or cigarettes). But not anymore. Today, cruising around my local Aldi, there were three types. 1. 2. 3. My heart sank......

I understand that women want to buy formula. I understand they deserve choice. However, the formula companies peddle their wares by advertising or making their products easily accessible without the appropriate medical follow up. A tired stressed new mum may see that formula and think it will save her from sleepless nights and uncertainty. It wont. It never does.

Artificial baby milk needs some explanation about the impact of its use. The possible implications on the mothers milk supply. That even one bottle of ABM can make a baby intolerant to everyday foods for the rest of its life.

So, today, my feelings for Aldi fell, just a little. But if they start selling cigarettes, I'm done.

Holidays

I'm on leave at the moment, something I had booked before mum passed away. Been enjoying the ;eace and the non-guilt about doing nothing. Finished reading my book just before and the kids will be home soon so the peace will be no more.

I wonder how hard it will be to go back to work in a week and half? Especially to a job that you may not get to sit down in sometimes?

My neighbour is being very industrious next-door. Gardening by the sounds of it and the trailer loads of dirt he's been getting every day. Wish I could be that busy. Why am I so lazy? Why can't I get up and just DO stuff?

When we were spending time with my brother in Sydney - i was flabbergasted that he would get up after every meal, clear away the plates and then wash them - straight away. Why can't my family do that? Why does my husband sit there - looking at the dirty plates for days and not noticing? Why is it always me that has to clean up?

i need a holiday - from life....

There are still firsts at 41

I had a wonderful lunch with two of my favourite women today. I am on a couple of weeks leave - pre-arranged, even before the sudden death of mum on June 30th. It was nice to sit and be honest with these women who love me unconditionally. I could say things, even if they aren't really polite or correct. Things about my mother I probably shouldn't say but think anyway. Things about the way I felt about her. Things about how unfair it all is. Like how at 65 she was way too young to die now.

She was a selfish woman. She used to say that everyone has to die from something. True. But do we all want to die at a young age? I don't? I have lots of living left to do. I don't want to die at the cusp of retirement. She still hadn't retired yet. They had plans - now they can't follow through on them.

I remember seeing the coffin and thinking - this is just like motherhood, you read about it, but nothing can really prepare you to bury your mother........

The more time I have to think about it all I am upset. When we were there dealing with the actual stuff, like funerals, phone calls, the wake, you don't have time to think. I do now. I have started to grieve now. I get upset. I want to cry, but don't. I talk myself out of it. Why? Don't know. I cry at other things instead, like articles in the paper, songs on the radio.

I feel so much loss for my dad. He loved her, with all his heart. Didn't have a bad word to say about her. He is trying to move on. When I spoke to him last night, he seemed a little down.

I want to ask her things, but I don't want to know the answers.

So I've come back from my first breakdown tonight. After spending the day with my best girlfriends and talking. It was like this wave of sadness it just was coming and washed over me and I was too tired to fight it. I feel so much better now. Maybe it was this. The writing. Maybe that's why I've chosen to write this?

Not sure, but it feels good.